clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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