Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
