This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When are your genitals available?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
