What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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