3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
