Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
