everyone is single if you try hard enough
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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