so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
