how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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