Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
