imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
