Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need moral support for this bender
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
