I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
