my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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