apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
