Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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