I think my vagina is haunted
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
