did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
