allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
