we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
