Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
