If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize