Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My bed smells like the plague
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
