Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
