I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just puked most of my soul out..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
