spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
