allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
