I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
