i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
