dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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