a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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