my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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