can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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