dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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