what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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