My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Damn victory sex feels great
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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