Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think i have herpe
just one?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
