K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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