if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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