i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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