So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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