And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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