we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
