I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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