respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
