did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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