im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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