I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
