i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
