oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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