Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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