His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
