Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize