Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
