It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
