cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
