how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
