New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
