we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
