Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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