I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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