You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
