Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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