I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
But break dance skills will only take you so far
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
