I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
