I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
