Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
