Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
