Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
