Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She bit a glass in half.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
