I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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