Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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