It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
