That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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